my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize