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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
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