She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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