i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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