I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize