Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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