My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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