I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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