So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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