idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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