My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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