Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize