Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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