i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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