I wish my penis had an off switch
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize