dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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