Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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