She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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