i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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