great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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