If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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