I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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