I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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