SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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