I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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