It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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