my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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