I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
PANTIES FOUND
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize