Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize