YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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