So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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