i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize