please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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