allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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