it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize