The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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