TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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