Already got asked if we're dating
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
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Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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