I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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