He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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