We named our party play list daddy issues
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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