8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dear god my vagina.
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