dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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