It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize