I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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