he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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