I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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