just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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