Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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