Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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